Obama Uncoils the World’s Longest Hot Dog, Romney Eats an Entire Flag: Goofus and Gallant Do ‘America’ [America’s Screaming Conscience]

Independence Day is upon us, which means it’s time to watch politicians stumble through the USA PHOTO OP. Mitt Romney will sing unknown verses of “America the Beautiful” with an Ashcroftian solemnity, while Barack Obama—as befits the office—will force two turkeys to have sex so they can sire the ceremonial turkey he will pardon on Thanksgiving. Unless that turkey is Alaskan, in which case it will be shredded for Patriotacos. More »