Premeditated Manslaughter: Notes From a Black Male Suicide Survivor

The first time I tried to end my life my father had just finished brutally pounding my mother. I felt horrified, angry and helpless. I don’t remember the specifics of that particular attack, but I do remember my response. Eleven years or so of life had begun to feel like an eternity of pain, and I wanted out quickly. So I moved toward the window in the small bedroom that I shared with my three younger sisters and, with mournful tears in my eyes, announced that I was going to jump. I thought that my leap would distract my father long enough to stop him from punching my mother in her face. I wanted him to stop. And I prayed to God to take him or me. Either way, I wanted out. More »