President Obama Eats Traditional Christmas Baby [Barack Obama]

President Obama took part this weekend in one of the most ancient and eagerly-anticipated presidential traditions: the annual Christmas Baby Eating, a ritual that goes back to well before recorded history. Said to have been started by the semi-mythical “first president,” Benjamin Franklin (who archaeologists believe to be a composite of several different minor American warlords, and most likely not a historical person), the Christmas Baby Eating has recently come under fire from pundits like Nate Silver, who use statistics to argue that it has no real bearing on presidential success or virility, despite the frequent claims of the Secretary of Necromancy and Occult Services. Even so, President Obama is currently enjoying a small bump in the polls—a natural fluctuation, or the result of pleasing Yogg-Sothoth by consuming the blood of the newly-born? More »

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